Wolverine Is Barney
by miss hazy
Summary: The adventures of Wolverine and Barney, in three magically ridiculous chapters.
1. Wolverine Is Barney

Wolverine in Barney  
  
Disclaimer: X-Men belongs to Marvel and Barney belongs to some kids network, I think.  
Plot: Logan faints and wakes up as Barney.  
  
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"What the...? Where am I?" Logan asked.  
  
"Barney!!!!!" shouted five dorky kids with second-hand clothes and goofy smiles on their faces.  
  
'Why am I so tall?' Logan thought to himself. 'Why are these creeps trying to hug me?'  
  
"Barney, guess what? I learned how to spell my name today!"  
  
"I LEARNED HOW TO SAY THIS!!! announced the deaf girl.  
  
"I learned how to walk without banging into walls, Barney!" exclaimed the big, blind girl.  
  
"My hamster ate my cat yesterday!"  
  
"Today at school we went on a field trip to the psycho-ward!" said a boy wearing a green t-shirt and yellow pants.  
  
"Silly you! We go on a field trip to the psycho-ward every day!" exclaimed a girl wearing duct-taped glasses.  
  
"Barney I want to go to Africa today!" shouted the boy in the green t-shirt and pants.   
  
"Ow!" the blind girl exclaimed as she ran into a wall.  
  
"Whoa, whoa! Hold on a minute?!" said Logan/Barney. "What's going on here? Who am I?"  
  
A little girl stood up, smiled at him and said, "You are Barney, the purple coloured dinosaur. You teach us many things that we would never have learned anywhere else, even though you're just a figment of our imaginations."  
  
"How old are you, little girl?" Logan asked.  
  
"Three and 47/89ths of a year starting in two minutes."  
  
"Okay, that's very interesting. So you're an English and Math whiz kid, but you just learned how to spell you're name today?" Logan asked, confused.  
  
"My name is Angela Maynard Alexandria Jillian Carolina Davis Rae Jenna Pegus Ashleigh Tammaro Fitzhournutcaseinmyhousepatrick."  
  
"This could be a long day," sighed Logan.  
  
Suddenly, like a flash, the blind girl ran into Logan and knocked him over. Then the room started spinning.  
  
"But I wanted to go to Africccaaaaaaaaa.........." said a distant voice.  
  
Logan woke up on the floor. He was sweating heavily.   
  
"What a weird dream. Maybe I'll go watch some TV," he mumbled to himself.  
  
He turned the TV on and the first thing he heard was: "Barney! We all want to go to Africa! Magority wins!"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Barney Is Wolverine

Barney is Wolverine  
  
A/N: This is the second part to Wolverine is Barney. While Logan is in Barney's body, Barney is somewhere else...  
  
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"Huh huh huh huh!" Barney chuckled.  
  
"Logan? What are you doing?!"  
  
Jean Grey walked into the room with a strange look on her face. Barney was lying there looking up at her. Only she didn't know...  
  
"Hi kid! Let's sing! Do you have some pumpernickel bread! Pumpernickel, pumpernickel, pumpernickel bread! Sing it again!..."   
  
Jean Grey stared at him in shock. He continued singing.  
  
"Logan," Jean said, "I'm taking you down to the lab for some tests. I think you might have a concussion."  
  
"Concussion?" Barney asked. "Do you know what rhymes with concussion? Percussion! Let's play on the drums!"  
  
Barney/Logan started pounding on the floor like it was a drum. Then he stood up and started waddling around. As he was waddling, Scott walked in.  
  
"What's going on in here?" Scott asked suspiciously.  
  
"Hiya there! Do you wan't to play?" Barney replied.  
  
"No. Logan are you sick or something?"  
  
"Yes he is. I'm going to run some tests on him," Jean Grey answered for him.  
  
"Oh this could be fun," mumbled Scott to himself.  
  
He ran down the hall as fast as he could. A few minutes later he came back with a camcorder.  
  
"Hey there Logan, do you have something to say for the camera?" he asked.  
  
Barney though for a minute. "Who is Logan? I would like to meet this Logan. In the meantime we could go to the treehouse and eat magical ice cream sundaes!"  
  
Just then Rogue passed by. She was coming to talk to Logan.  
  
"Hey Logan. How are ya?"  
  
"He's sick!" Jean and Scott said together.  
  
"Does anyone want to go to Africa? China? Australia?" asked Barney.  
  
"This is great stuff!" said Scott.  
  
"Okay I'm taking him now!" exclaimed Jean. With that she took him away.  
  
Barney obviously was in his own world because he pulled away and started skipping down the hall. Jean ran after him. Suddenly, Proffesor Xavier came out of a classroom in his wheelchair and Jean ran into him. She was knocked unconscious...  
  
Barney ran around the corner singing, "I love you! You love me!" He didn't notice the wall in front of him...  
  
"BONK!"  
  
Everything started to swirl.  
  
"BARNEY!!!" shouted a whole bunch of kids. "Are you okay?"  
  
Barney was lying on the floor and the blind girl was on top of him.   
  
"Ow!" said the blind girl.  
  
"Huh huh huh huh! Hi kids!" 


	3. Wolverine Meets Barney

Barney Meets Wolverine

A/N: The fact that anyone still comments on some lame fic that I wrote when I was 14-years-old just blows my mind. As such I've been inspired to write a third chapter to this out of sheer boredom at 2:00 a.m. No, it's not very funny. This is just, well, this is random.

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Several years had passed since the unusual occurrence happened, but Logan still had trouble sleeping. Visions of googly-faced children in hand-me-downs still haunted him in the night. To think at one point, his dreams were plagued by flashes of memory that at the time seemed far more troublesome and terrifying. This was worse. This wasn't merely a memory, it was something that he could spiral down into again at any random point in time, without warning. He had been fortunate enough to come back when it happened. Scott jokingly bet $1,000 that he wouldn't come back if there was a second time. Though Logan was in no way eager to go down that path again, he could use the $1,000.

Of all the possible ways it could have played out, he was not expecting this.

Logan awoke to a flash of neon light. As his eyes adjusted, he noticed that it was, in fact, not a light at all. It was a blob. No, it wasn't a blob; it was a moving blob! A moving blob?

"Wait, no!"

It wasn't just any moving blob, it was a monster blob! A purple, green monster blob!

"No! Not again!" Logan cried in agony as he looked at what he perceived to be a reflection of himself, as his eyes were still crusty. Then, he realized, the purple, green monster blob moved on its own, which made it clearly not a reflection; the blob started to speak:

"HI THERE! Huh huh huh. Where are all the kids? We were just on our tree-trunk airplane, going to go to Las Vegas, to see the special dancers and learn about their culture! Someone must have imagined me back too early. Huh."

Logan slowly started to become aware of his surroundings. He was in a room, much like his own, only everything seemed to be frozen in time. He wasn't even sure if it really existed. To test his theory, he quickly shuffled over to the doorknob, ignoring the blob as it delivered chipper little phrases through the dead air. He tried the knob--his hand slid right through it. It was all an illusion. It was as if he had created the place in his mind.

"If there is a hell, it couldn't be worse than this!" Logan mumbled to himself. Panic started to set in as he realized he wasn't sure if there was a way out. It was one thing to switch minds--but two minds trapped together, in a place that didn't exist? Or was he trapped inside HIS mind? The thought alone was enough to drive him to a point of insanity. The claws came out.

"YOU! Barney! I don't know how we got here, or how to get out of here, but I'm not taking any chances, bub. There's gotta be a way out of this, and I'm taking you out before you ruin whatever chance I have." Logan's eyes were fierce. Once the stupid, babbling blob of a dinosaur was out of the way, he could sit down and think, and just maybe figure a way out of the place.

Logan charged at Barney, whose expression was one of shock and glee. Glee? At first, Logan thought it was just in his nature, though he quickly discovered the source of his glee. As soon as Logan's claws pierced Barney's squishiest spot, he received an electrifying jolt.

"Holy f---!"

Logan flew back and landed with what he supposed would have sounded like a thud, if a thud had existed in that realm.

"Huh huh huh!" Barney chuckled. "Did you really think that would work? This is my home! This is the imaginary land where I come from! Welcome, huh huh huh! How did you get here anyway?"

Slowly, he started to put the pieces together, though it made little sense. This was part of an imaginary place. Nothing from this land existed until it was imagined into existence. That was his only way out. But if he didn't exist now, did that mean he never existed before? Did that mean that, from that point on, he would only exist when someone wanted him to exist, like when those nutter kids wanted Barney to play with them?

"I'm going to be sick..." Logan half-announced, as he lied down on what seemed to be a ground-like surface. He wondered if this was what Barney saw--a room much like his bedroom. Or maybe Barney saw something different. "Barney, what does this place look like to you?"

Barney chuckled in his nasally, pedophile-like way. "Why, it looks like a playground, of course, in nuclear winter!"

This is worse than nuclear winter, Logan thought to himself.

Logan closed his eyes, imagining himself in his bed, waking up covered in sweat, wondering what on earth he had eaten before bed that had given him the worst nightmare of all time. He imagined himself rolling out of bed, walking to the bathroom and splashing his face with cold water, making sure all the doorknobs he touched were solid. He saw himself looking at his reflection, and wondering if he really ever existed at all, or if it was all a...

"WAKE UP, Logan! Holy mother, are you dead?" It was Scott's voice. Annoying.

Logan's eyes popped open. He was still on the floor.

"Hey, are you awake or what? Did you seriously fall out of bed? We heard a thud down the hall. It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon, get up already!"

Everything was much clearer. He realized that it had, in fact, all been a dream. Or had it?

Logan glared at Scott and growled. Scott got the message and left. Logan followed him toward the door and touched the doorknob--it was cold, hard. It was real.

As he turned the other way, he thought he saw a flash of purple. He froze and sniffed the air. Nothing. His mind was simply playing tricks on him. It was all a dream.

It was all a dream.

It was all a....

"Huh huh huh!"


End file.
